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All those trips to the Container store and Costco and BJ's were a great way to distract herself from the emptiness that was her life. The closets are organized, there are enough pampers and paper towels and baby wipes to last three lifetimes and she will never run out of paper towels or family size SHOUT stain removal. But her marriage is over and the baby is walking and what will she do with all those paper products? What is a person to do when the time on her hands makes the cracks from loneliness seem certain to collapse the frame her life is hanging from? Marrying Jake was a coarse to steer. Leaving Jake was a course to steer. But those projects are over (like re-papering the bathroom and re-doing the baby's room). She needs a project. There is a hole that fills with sadness if you don't stay busy. Everybody knows that. But matter how tight you squeeze the sadness out of your life, it fills back the second you let go.
I just love the whole idea of shopping. Shopping in bulk as an activity to ward off depression, to prepare for impending disaster. Filling the house with bottled water and paper towels and toilet paper. And I love the contrast of the big sky and all that amazing landscape of the dessert justaposed with the interior of giant huge gross cement warehouse stores where birds fly around trapped indoors. Last week I went to Home Depot and there were a bunch of pidgeons who seemed to have made their home there and it was such a weird image....
Since I've been pregnant I feel things and smell them. Like I can tell what is bad and what's good. And you are a bad smell, Jake. I got a headache just being near you. And I'm not making this up. I'm going to take me an Advil and ask you to leave...